Vaishutai

My earliest memories of my childhood, are just fleeting memories, just the hustle and bustle of a busy, loud and loving family. Aaji, usually on her bed which was in the dining room, and she had a vantage point everywhere in the house, or outside on the jhopala. Aai either in the kitchen, or reading a book in the living room. And my earliest memories of Baba are him telling us bed-time Jami stories, or me going for a haircut with him. I don't really remember Deepali or Vaishutai or what they used to do. I do however remember playing with Shayu a lot. One day, Shayu and I were playing "ghar-ghar" under the dining table. She had a nook, and I had a nook. And we were going on with our play, oblivious to who was around us or listening to us. Vaishutai was sitting in the same room doing her homework. She was on the floor, with a make-shift desk and studying. And she called out to me and Shayu, and asked us to go get some "mamre" from the kitchen and water, and tol...

I cannot go in chronological order. That's not how my memory works. I was at Vaishutai's house in September, 2019. Spent 4 days at her house, just chatting. One of the conversations that I remember is Vaishutai telling me how after her first cancer diagnosis, she would go to parties and some of her acquaintances would come to her, and talk to her in a very serious voice or rather a hushed tone, and check on how she was doing. They would also continue being serious and say how sorry they were to hear about her diagnosis. Vaishutai would say, "Please don't be sorry, I am quite fine". She hated being pitied. As I am battling with my grief, I find myself being just like her. Really, I don't want anyone to be sorry for me. We have had so many heart-to-heart conversations, uncannily we know how each of us will react or say. The five of us, and us 3 sisters, have an unbreakable bond. How can death take that bond away? I don't think it is possible. I can ...

Again another story retold multiple times. My mom was a tiger mom. However she met her match with a tiger-cub, my eldest sister. When Vaishutai was in the 2nd or 3rd grade, Aai made her write an essay 20 times. The essay if I recall was about "A parrot" -- don't know who I can check with about this b'coz Vaishutai was the one who remembered everything. My mom's mantra has always been "do your best work, and work hard". My mom after having prepared her first born thus, was very satisfied and waited eagerly for her to come back after the exam. Vaishutai came back from the exams and my mom was thrilled to see that the essay they had practiced was indeed one of the options for essay-writing. However, to my mom's chagrin, Vaishutai wrote a different essay in the exam and not the one that they had prepared. Also Vaishutai was fearless enough to tell her so. My shocked mom asked her, "Why did you write a different essay?". Vaishutai respond...

Our family is very big on stories and retelling of stories. One of my parents favorite stories is how Vaishutai as a baby needed to sleep with my mom's braid in her hand. Once my parents had stepped out for a party, with my sister in tow (she was the only child back then). My mom decided for a change to wear a bun as was in vogue back then. In the retelling of this story my mom would always remind us that it was Dad who insisted she wear a bun, and she would say, "Are you sure? How will Vaishu sleep when she is sleepy at the party?". My Dad reassured her that Vaishu wouldn't mind as she was older. Well turns out Vaishu did mind, was sleepy and cried, and my mom removed her bun at the party and quickly made a braid and had the sleepy child sleep in her lap with the braid in her chubby hands. I can't even remember how many times we have talked about it. And Vaishutai would laugh, and we all would laugh.

Vaishali (my beloved sister) died on April 4th, 2020 in her sleep. She was 49 years old. She was blessed in her life with two amazing children Vivek age 19, Varun age 19 and a loving and supportive husband. She has left a void in her parents (ages 78 and 72), and 2 sisters (ages 46 and 44) hearts, that will never be filled. She never wanted to be defined by her cancer, and so I would like to pen down a few words to describe how she was and how she battled her disease. She was our parents first born child. She was a good student, surrounded by loving friends and family. She loved to listen to music and read books. She took great pleasure in simple outings, walks, and was always moved by nature. She was a guide to us her younger sisters and was the best eldest sister we could hope for. She was an engineer, and got a job at the prestigious Space Applications Center - at the Indian Space Research Organization. (ISRO). However, she happily quit her job, when she found her soulmate in h...

My eldest sister, Vaishutai (Vaishali) passed away on Saturday. She was the keeper of my memories, she was the only one who remembered all our childhood trips, everyone's favorite foods, likes dislikes, and the pranks we played or the bets we made on Binaca songs. She was fun, loving, beautiful, compassionate. She was my confidante, my guide. She and I would discuss recipes, movies, books, my parents, my friends, her friends, my kids, her kids, my dance, my attempts at different hobbies, her dance, her interest in music, cooking, gardening.. and so many more things. My life is not going to be the same. I am not returning calls, and am continuing with my life, bcoz really am I ever going to feel different? Am I ever going to stop missing her?